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Super Bowl XLV: Packers, Steelers, Jesus, Black Eyed Peas, Beer & Commercials!

Super Bowl XLV happens Feb. 6 Super Bowl XLV happens Feb. 6

Super Bowl XLV! It almost sounds like a video game title, but it’s actually the Feb. 6th holy Super day when the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Green Bay Packers battle for football’s biggest prize. Off the field on your television set will be another kind of battle- the battle for Super Bowl ad supremacy. Let’s be honest…the Super Bowl football game is just a front for Super Bowl commercials...most of which are beer commercials! After all, 30-second commercials for this year’s Super Bowl on Fox will cost nearly $3 million each! But don't expect to see the one that shows Jesus and President Obama fighting. Fox just won't allow it.


More on that later, but you will be excited to know that as with years past, Anheuser-Busch will spend the most money and have the most commercials of any one company. Personally, I can’t stand anything that Anheuser-Busch InBev makes, so I am not a big fan of their Super Bowl commercials. Perhaps you’ve wondered why the company’s beer commercials dominate the Super Bowl. It’s because Anheuser-Busch handed a lot of cashola to the networks that broadcast the Super Bowl so the networks would agree to have Busch be the only beer manufacturer that gets to advertise during the big game.

Who else will be plying us with Super Bowl commercials? Bet on PepsiCo and Coca-Cola, and auto businesses such as GM, Mercedes-Benz, BMW, CarMax and Bridgestone. You’ll see Fox hyping its own shows; you’ll also see Disney and major movie studios promoting their latest eye candy, such as the 57th sequel to Pirates of the Caribbean.

The ads you won’t see are the best ones. Banned Super Bowl ads are crazier than the ones the networks allow on the air. For example, Fox said no to a proposed ad for the adultery company Ashley Madison, presumably because the ad has porn stars in it. NBC refused to run Ashley’s ad during the 2010 Super Bowl.

When ManCrunch (the gay dating service) tried to get CBS to run a Super Bowl ad that showed men kissing, CBS turned it down. They also turned down a different gay-themed Super Bowl ad from GoDaddy.

I understand why they rejected a proposed Doritos Super Bowl ad that showed a man running over a woman so he could steal her bag of Doritos, but I am still sick to my stomach over the fact that CBS allowed two anti-abortion Super Bowl ads from “Christian” college quarterback Tim Tebow, who has since signed with the Denver Broncos.

Why am I sick to my stomach? Not because of my opinion about abortion. It’s because the Tebow Super Bowl ads’ message was that if abortion had been legal, Tim Tebow’s mother might have aborted him, and that would have been a terrible loss for the whole world. Yes, a gut-wrenching loss. One less egotistical fundamentalist quarterback. I don’t know how the human race could have survived without Tim Tebow being born.

Speaking of Jesus, Fox turned down an ad from the "Jesus Hates Obama" organization. The organization produced a commercial showing Jesus and Obama bobblehead dolls in a fight, which ends up with the Obama bobblehead in a fish tank. This is super-rad stuff, but Fox won't allow it to be shown during the Super Bowl!

You won’t see this on Super Bowl Fox television!

But what about the music? Super Bowl 2011 is slated to have the Black Eyed Peas as its halftime musical act. This isn’t a rock n’ roll Super Bowl halftime show like we’ve come to expect, and I’d rather see The Who again, but at least the Black Eyed Peas won’t be wearing black charcoal Bible quotes on their face, like Tim Tebow does.

My sincere wish is that you settle in for Steelers versus Packers Super Bowl XLV on February 6th with a nice bag of Doritos, Ashley Madison girls, Jesus, and something other than Busch beer. That’s what the Super Bowl is all about, right?

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Last modified on Friday, 12 October 2012 13:19

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