Having better sex doesn’t mean that you have to be incredibly inventive or spontaneous or that it has to last for hours. Throw all your preconceived notions about sex out the window. If you go into the bedroom without expectations and worries, you are much less likely to be disappointed. Have better sex – yes, even tonight – with these tips and suggestions.

Make a Date

If you’re thinking sex should always be spur-of-the moment, think again. Michael Castleman, author of Great Sex: A Man’s Guide to the Secret Principles of Total-Body Sex, says making a date for sex is smart and practical. “Don’t let it be an afterthought. Do whatever you like beforehand, but set that time aside.” You might argue that planning for sex takes the fun out of it, but Castleman advises, “Grow up. What’s the problem with making a date for sex? People make plans for things they enjoy, like ski trips or dinners out.” Makes sense, right?

Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, a board certified sex therapist, agrees with Castleman. “I think most people, especially couples with kids, have to plan ahead because they already have so much jammed into their schedules.” Not only does setting a date for sex ensure that it will actually happen, you also have something to look forward to during the day.

Dress For Sex

Okay, now that you’ve got your date planned for tonight – it’s time to set the mood, starting with your underwear. Yep, you read that right. Wearing silky boxers or (for women) sexy lingerie will help you feel sexy, and perhaps a bit naughty. Throughout the entire day, you will be in the mood for sex, wondering what slinky panties you’ll find when you finally get to undress your girl.

Cut Out Distractions

One of the crucial elements to good sex is to be totally focused on sex – and just sex. If you’re getting hot and heavy and all of a sudden one of your kids knocks on the door – well, we don’t have to paint a picture, do we? The sexy sizzle you had going on will sputter out like you’ve thrown water on it. Tell your kids it’s “Mommy and Daddy’s special time” and make sure they know to leave you alone for a while.

Turn off cell phones, pagers, laptops, and televisions. When it’s time for sex – leave every stress, worry, and potential distraction out of the bedroom. You’ve got to be totally in the “sex zone” or your mind will wander, your attention will drift, and the sex will suffer.

Talk it Out

What do you want in bed? What does your partner want? If you can’t answer these two questions, it’s time to get some answers. You might think you know exactly what turns your girl on, but do you really? Have you ever straight-out asked her “do you like it when I do this?”

Intimacy can be difficult to talk about. But unless you figure out exactly what you want, and what she wants – you’ll never have spectacular sex. Dr. Weston explains, “Some people have to do a little work at figuring out what really arouses them. But figuring out what you want is key to having a better love life.”

A final suggestion for better sex is to slow it down. Both Castleman and Weston agree that slower lovemaking is better lovemaking. “Leisurely lovemaking benefits everyone,” says Castleman. “Women get more turned on and enjoy sex more, while men have fewer sexual problems and feel more confident about themselves in bed. Everybody wins.” Are you ready to be a winner tonight? We thought so. So remember to make a date, avoid all distractions, have open communication, and keep it slow. You’re gonna have great sex tonight.

© Copyright RosebudMag.com, 2011