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The Dark Knight Rises, Gun in Hand, Carrying a NRA Card and a Glock!

  • Written by  Roy Storm
Teach your kids to love guns and the NRA…or else! Teach your kids to love guns and the NRA…or else!


Guns, guns and more guns. I love the National Rifle Association (NRA), the Second Amendment, and my sacred right to buy as many guns and as much ammunition as I can afford. My rights and my love for guns are far more important than your Liberal, wimpy concerns about guys with dyed hair going into movie theaters and killing the Batman Dark Knight Rises audience.My rights and love for guns are more important than your outrage about an American Nazi going into a Sikh temple and killing people during their worship service.

What exactly do I love about guns, you ask me.

I love guns more than I love life itself!

I love the power they give me, pure and simple.

In a world without guns, I’d have a lot harder time killing things. I’d have to do it more up close and personal, like the guy in China who attacked two cops with a bayonet. Unfortunately somebody did a Bruce Lee on him and he was captured.

If that dumb Chinese guy had had a gun, he would have been able to waste a lot more people.

And it’s not just people. It’s Bambi too.

Man, I love getting into my camo gear and me and my buds go out into the crispy woods with our spotlight trucks and ATVs and dogs and lookie there at that monumental deer with his big rack and I can stand 75 yards away from the deer and blow him away with my Winchester M70 and he didn’t even have a chance and I can call it a sport.

It's a sport the same way that an NFL team competing against a kid's football team is a sport, but hey, why be ashamed when you're on top?

Sometimes you don’t need to use your gun. There are other methods for projecting power.

Like, you just take your pack of dogs out and you find an animal that never did anything to you or your dogs and you surround it and you let your dogs tear it to pieces just for the fun of it.

Just so you can sit back and laugh and enjoy the dominance and suffering. It’s the ultimate power trip, and you get off on it.

Because at the end of the day, whether it’s George Zimmerman stalking Trayvon Martin, provoking a fight, and then killing the kid, or some mentally deranged fool arming himself like a soldier and gunning down innocent people in a movie theater, it’s all about power.

It’s all about the power to utterly crush other people and other species, so you can do anything you want to them and enjoy it, and unless they too have a weapon and know ahead of time what you’ve planned for them, you have the ultimate advantage over them always, because hey... they’re just watching a Batman movie, or they’re in their Sikh temple, or they’re with their deer wife and deer kids in the forest, but you have your blood lust, you want to kill, and they don’t know that about you, so you can spill their blood and drop ‘em dead and they never had a chance.

It’s a rigged game when you have a gun, and that’s part of the fun of it. You become like God Himself with the power to take life, except that unlike God Himself you can’t create life you can only end it. You can’t make a better world, but you make someone dead.

How much fun is that, when you can spurt your lead out of your hot smokin’ barrel and see somebody fall dead a football field away?!?

Jesus Christ—the power guns gives you--it’s almost like rough sex.

The feeling that nobody is gonna kick your butt in the elementary school yard anymore, because you’ve got that Glock, that big clip, that military style assault weapon, that NRA card, that Second Amendment right to own an arsenal.

Because obviously when those founding daddies in the 1700’s wrote the Constitution, they wanted you to have your guns so if the government got out of control you could take down the government, and in the meantime, you can take down people watching Batman in movie theaters, you can take down wild boars, you can take down deers, squirrels, seagulls, badgers, lions, tigers, bears, sea lions…anything that breathes, you can stop its breath forever.

How cool is that?

The bottom line is that the NRA, Ted Nugent, Glock, movie theater shooters, Sikh temple shooters and a lot of other gun-loving people and corporations are a good old-fashioned American tradition guaranteed by the Second Amendment and there’s no way that anybody can take my guns away from me or regulate them because guns don’t kill people, bullets do.

The gun industry loves my need for dominance, and it loves it when everybody's afraid enough so they run out and buy guns. And did you know that even though the U.S.of A. hardly manufactures anything anymore, it at least leads the world in manufacturing and exporting guns and military hardware. 

We've become the ultimate merchants of death!

Our American culture tolerates and even rewards people like me. Remember when Ted Nugent told Barack Obama to suck on the barrel of a machine gun, or told Hilary Clinton to ride on a machine gun? That’s the spirit of loving guns that made this country great.

I can tell you one thing for sure: nobody is gonna take my guns from me unless they pry my cold, dead fingers off of them. That’s what the NRA taught me. I saw it on a bumper sticker and I believe it like I believe the Bible.

Guns are power. Guns are the ultimate penis substitute. Guns are spurtin’ lead. Guns are my ticket to making life and death decisions for other living things.

Guns are not just self-defense, they’re offense. So I can “defend myself” by killing people at Dark Knight Rises, or Columbine High School, or a Sikh temple. Guns are my life, and they could be your life too. Or the end of it. But did you really have a choice at all? No, fool...it was me and my guns that made the choice for you.

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Last modified on Thursday, 09 August 2012 12:59

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