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Engage Her Mind to Turn Her On

Telling her what you’re going to do is sometimes better than the act itself. Telling her what you’re going to do is sometimes better than the act itself.

You may have your own ideas about the best places to touch a woman to turn her on, but seduction often begins in the mind. Barry Komisaruk, PhD, coauthor of The Science of Orgasm, says “Even the pinnacle of sex, the orgasm, can be a cognitive process that’s separate from erotic or sexual context.” If you’ve been ignoring this part of the ritual, it’s time you started to pay attention.


Sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD explains “A relaxed mind and body allows a woman’s sexual response to kick in more fluidly. You need to turn off her amyglada, the fear and anxiety part of her brain.” Huh? Basically what the doctor is saying is that you need to engage a woman’s mind before the fun stuff begins. Here are a few ideas on how to get started.

Set the Mood with Music

Select a few romantic songs and create a bedroom-music playlist. (Think Let’s Get it On by Marvin Gaye.) Certain brain regions fire up before sex, and a study found similar ones become active if a woman connects emotionally to music. If you build up the sexual tension before the actual act, you’ve got a better chance of having a fully involved partner. Organize your playlist so that it starts with playful, mellow tunes while you engage in foreplay, then plays more passionate, intense songs for the real deal.

Speak Her Language

Voice tone and sensual language are extremely important when trying to get a woman in the mood. She wants to hear you tell her all about the things you want to do to her because it makes her feel sexy and desirable. It also triggers a response in the pleasure center of her brain, shooting out sparks to the rest of her body. If pillow talk isn’t one of your strengths, consider writing a sexual script together. A study in 2006 showed that women found men with creative intelligence more desirable than men with money. Dr. Fulbright says “It’s a novel turn on if you can articulate your passion in a way that engages her.” Use your imagination and come up with a fantasy you’d like to play out. Email or text parts of the story to each other throughout the day for a truly memorable night.

Fun with Games

Sex doesn’t have to begin in the bedroom, or even with traditional foreplay. Play cards or a board game, with the stipulation that the winner gets a sexual favor from the loser. Don’t go for the gold right away – keep the hot and heavy stuff for later. The longer the sexual tension builds, the better the end result will be. Daniel Amen, author of Sex on the Brain, says “Getting her excited in nonsexual ways will translate to a higher likelihood of sexual arousal.” So get creative and turn ordinary games into fun and flirty pre-sex play.

If your sex life needs some spicing up, why not try some of these suggestions? Not only will engaging your girl’s mind bring her greater pleasure, it may do exactly the same for you. It’s a proven fact that when it’s better for her, it’s better for you. Not to mention how much your girl will appreciate you taking the time to get her in the mood. Your thoughtfulness will not go unnoticed, and the result may blow both your minds.

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Tips for engaging her mind to create sexual tension.
Last modified on Friday, 12 October 2012 12:56

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