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Sex Tips From WikiLeaks and Julian Assange

Is Julian Assange a “rapist,” a whistleblower, or both? Is Julian Assange a “rapist,” a whistleblower, or both?

First of all, if you want to have sex with a lot of groovy ladies, and you are Julian Assange, the front man of WikiLeaks (the organization that has released top secret videos and documents that have outraged the military and politicians of a certain superpower) you probably should carefully consider who you are going to have sex with, and under what circumstances.

Of course, this is good advice for all of us. Even if you are not Julian Assange and WikiLeaks releasing top secret information that shows how a superpower nation wages wars in small countries, you should realize that sex gets lots of people in trouble.

One way that sex got Julian Assange in trouble is that he had sex with a “radical feminist.” Most guys would think a radical feminist is a potentially risky person to have sex with. Some radical feminists believe that all sex between a man and a woman is “rape.”

But according to published reports, the radical feminist woman agreed to have sex with Julian Assange, but later on she decided that it had been a criminal situation. Not only that, but within a few days Julian Assange had sex with another woman, and she knew the radical feminist woman.

Lesson number two: try not to have sex with two women who know each other, especially if one of the women is a radical feminist.

Onward and inward. Julian Assange is now in a British prison facing extradition to Sweden where the two women teamed up to tell Swedish police that Julian Assange had done bad sexual things to them.

Apparently, one bad sexual thing was that his condom broke and he continued to press upward and inward. There are several lessons in this. One of them is to only buy and use the highest quality condoms. If Julian Assange had the new flexible platinum-titanium condom, it never would have broken.

Lesson number four is that if you are having sex using a regular condom and it breaks (how does someone know when a condom breaks), please stop having sex and put on a new condom. Or just stop having sex with that woman, apologize, and call your lawyer.

And hey, Julian Assange, when you are on the hit list of a major superpower whose dirty laundry you’ve leaked, sex probably shouldn’t be so darned important to you. Because you might realize that the superpower might manipulate people and situations to smear the whistleblower, thus taking attention away from the secret information the whistleblower is leaking. In the case of WikiLeaks, we’ve seen some pretty skanky stuff with US government official origins, and it would be interesting if the war crimes and other criminal acts Julian Assange exposed via WikiLeaks were prosecuted as much as Julian Assange is going to be prosecuted for condom problems and for leaking documents that the US government didn’t want anyone to see. 

How ironic that Julian Assange hasn't yet been arrested for WikiLeaks, but for a leaking condom? 

Julian Assange is arrested in London-his lawyer speaks eloquently

Now look… this article isn’t meant to trivialize WikiLeaks, Julian Assange, war crimes, sex crimes, defective condoms or radical feminism. There are many sincere Americans who believe that Julian Assange is an evil person who has embarrassed or endangered their country. The Pentagon, Hilary Clinton and the US Justice Department would all like to see Julian Assange in a jail, or maybe buried under the foundations of a jail. Many others see Julian Assange and WikiLeaks as heroically doing what journalism is supposed to do: exposing the truth about the powerful.

But let’s not focus only on Julian Assange or WikiLeaks. Let’s focus on SEX! When you go back to some of the other “sex and dating advice” on RosebudMag.com, you’ll see our writers talking about getting to know people, caring about people and having a sense of context and setting when it comes to sexual relations. Sex isn’t always the right thing to do. Sometimes, it can backfire...as Julian Assange can now attest.

For Julian Assange, the lesson is that when you’re fighting the Empire and running something like WikiLeaks, think with your big head, not your little head. A few moments of sex pleasure (?) with a radical feminist aren’t worth the loss of your cause, your reputation and your freedom.

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Last modified on Monday, 29 October 2012 10:32

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