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Sex Toys Palace: Vaginas and Clits are Always Welcum

Sex toys please your kitties :) Sex toys please your kitties :)

One of my male friends figured out how to get sweet sessions of recreational sex from a variety of women. I’m going to share his methods with you in case you want that kind of sex fun too. What he’s done is create a “sex toy palace” that he makes sure to tell attractive women about. It’s definitely a hot conversation starter…and it usually leads to wild orgasms and happy vaginas.

My friend started his sex toy palace project by first interviewing women about their vaginas. (Just so you know, I would rather call vaginas what most of us really call them, which is a word that begins with a “p” and has four more letters. It’s a word that sometimes refers to a furry feline, otherwise known as a kitty cat. But I am not allowed to use the P word on this website, so the V word will have to do).

Anyways, my friend asked women about their vaginas, and especially about ways of pleasuring vaginas that involve something other than intercourse, typical foreplay, the usual things most men do with and for vaginas.

He found out a majority of the women he talked to owned one or more sex toys. Not only that, a majority of that majority said their sex toys give them way more sexual pleasure, stronger orgasms, and wetter vaginas than any men do.

This was a wake-up call for my friend, whose male sexual pride was at first somewhat hurt by women’s sex toys favoritism. But when he probed deeper, he learned why many women prefer their sex toys to their boy toys, and he realized that if he created a sex toys palace, he could be a favorite with the girls.

He also found out that the most compelling reason women love sex toys is that they can’t get a girl pregnant. They’re thrust into the vagina just like a penis, some of them are shaped and materialized so they look and feel just like a real penis, they thrill the vagina…but they don’t have a sperm factory attached to them, so they don’t ejaculate baby-making tadpoles up the vaginal love channel into the ovaries.

As you can imagine, recreational sex women are very happy that no sperm tadpoles are swimming up inside their vagina to make them swell up for nine months. With sex toys, mommyhood is easily avoided.

Sex toys are favored because women control their angle of entry, in and out ratios, depth, speed and contact points better than they can control those factors when they’re dealing with a real live penis attached to a man.

Of course, not all sex toys are insertion devices. Some of them, like clit suckers, are meant for the outside of the vagina and they never make it past the labia. But whether the girls are using insertion dildo, clit suckers, anal beads or labia loungers, they love the fact that they can get the exact motion that juices and produces mind-blowing orgasms.

Another thing is, sex toys don’t talk, fart, stalk, have bad breath, snore, whine, sweat, mess up the sheets, ask for breakfast, pee on the floor or leave the toilet seat up. Compared to most guys, sex toys are exceptionally polite. They know their intimate place and love being there in between a woman’s legs, but they know to wait patiently on or in the bedside table or bathroom cabinet, happily looking forward to the next time they work a clit or a G-spot.

You can almost hear the sex toy purring there, happy to know that it will soon be in between those sweet, tender lips, sucked in towards the womb, or vibrating a clit into orgasm spasm. Sex toys show more sexual gratitude and sensitivity than most men, the women told my friend. Not only that, they’re easier to control, turn off, and break up with.

As one girl related, she’d had the same vibrating dildo since she was a teenager. At age 28, the dildo was still fully functional. It had been her constant companion throughout college and other life transitions. But the girl saw a friend’s more modern sex toy, one that played Lady Gaga songs with a complementary vibrating pulse that made Poker Face more like Poker Vagina. So she decided to retire her veteran dildo and get the newer one. After all, Lady Gaga rocks!

Did her prior dildo get jealous, threaten her, throw her across the room, call her up 30 times a day, or kill itself like one of her boyfriends did when she broke up with him. No! It accepted its retirement with grace and valor, like any good artificial penis should. Later, she gave that dildo to her younger sister, and it’s as happy as a clam in its new vagina.

I’m going to write several articles about the many sex toys stocking my friend’s palace, although he is so far refusing to let me in on some of the more exotic sex toys he’s procured.

He says that if I consent to a sex toy session, he will use them on me, and give me permission to write about them one or two at a time. He’s not my kind of guy and I feel no desire to get naked with him, but my vagina and clit are curious about the sex toys, so I’m trying to negotiate a deal with him where I can visit his sex toy palace and sample the toys myself, without him being in the room.

I’ll keep you posted on how that goes, but in the meantime, keep your sex toys charged, clean and ready for action, and watch out for a backlash from biological penises that are attached to men. Apparently they’re very jealous of sex toys and are asking the United Nations to ban or restrict sex toys, citing the equal vagina clause in sexual treaty agreements.

Get the inside story on sex toys and vagina fun!


No surprise that vaginas and clits are fighting back with their own United Nations counter-petition calling for penises to be regulated under the same treaties that regulate nuclear missiles.

It’s all getting very sticky, but the bottom line is sex toys are here to stay and us girls love them. Keep on looking for my articles that’ll give you the juicy inside story on sex toys and their vagina adventures.

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Last modified on Wednesday, 17 October 2012 13:58

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